You know it's time for knitting when I say it's knitting time!

So, I'm happy to say that the Brooklyn Birthing Center seemed really nice. I went on a tour there yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised at how homey it was. I have my first appointment there 2 weeks from Friday.

I'm almost done knitting the turtle that I started 2 months ago. I stopped working on it for a while, because I started to hate the i-cord edging that I had to do. But I picked it up the other day and it was like "What's the big deal?" It was easy. So now I just need to attach the legs and embroider some eyes onto it, and voila! I will have a Sheldon for Gwendolyn. I'm sure she'll come up with a cute name for him.

Then I'll work on the little cardigan for Gwen. It's so cute and simple, I don't know why I've been procrastinating working on it. It's purple & white striped. I can't wait to pick out some adorable buttons for it...

Feeling depressed

I am so frustrated, trying to find a good doctor or midwife. I attempted to switch to a different place today, recommended by an internet buddy, and I wasn't very happy. I really should have done more research on the place first. First of all, the practice has 4 doctors, and 3 of them are men. I should have THOUGHT about this and realized that I'm not comfortable with a male doctor. I've never had one before, and I just felt funny having one touch me.

The appointment wasn't bad per se, it just didn't leave me feeling confident or compatible with the doctor. And since any of the 4 doctors could show up at my delivery, it's impossible to know what it will be like.

F@$%ing pregnancy hormones are getting me so emotional about this. I cried after leaving the appointment. There are SO many choices involved in having a baby. Which doctor, which crib, which baby carrier, which birthing method, midwife or doctor, the pacifier debate, etcetera, etcera. And since I have no job or anything else (other than knitting) to focus on, I feel extra overwhelmed. I NEED SOMETHING ELSE TO FOCUS ON!

I am so frustrated with my own lack of ambition. I'll think "Okay, I'll join a chorus" or "I'll take a photography class" or various other possibilities, and I never follow through. On the rare occasion that I do follow through, I usually do a half-assed job. God... I worry I'm not going to be a good mom with this attitude.

Oops.

I kind of forgot about my blog for a while there! A lot has happened in the past few months. We moved. I got laid off. But between those two events...



We're having a baby! I am now 19 weeks and 3 days along. It's a girl (SQUEEE!) and her name shall be Gwendolyn Mae. She's due January 30th, and I can't wait.

When we first found out, we were a little freaked out (John especially), since she wasn't planned, and we're living in a pretty small apartment... But after a few weeks, it got more exciting, and it's brought us closer together. I actually feel like we're falling more in love (as corny as that sounds), now that we're going to have a family. It's so incredible. I'm very happy.