Long time, no blog...

It's been a long time since I last posted, so I figured it was time to update again. It's been what, almost 9 months since I last posted? Wendy is almost 10 months old now, and she's a joy. She's a big girl, at the 97th percentile in height, weight *and* head circumference. I hope that she grows tall enough to reach things for me! She's been crawling for about 3 months now, and pulling up on everything for almost that long. She's been cruising around the living room, and I suspect any day now, she'll take her first real steps. She loves to express herself with shrieks of happiness and "ba baba" and "dadadada" and that sort of thing. I can't wait for her to start talking and really expressing herself!

Here's my sweet girl:

She's here!

Gwendolyn was born at 11:07 pm on Sunday, January 31. 8 lb, 7 oz. And she has red hair like her daddy! Which is so incredibly surprising. I didn’t think it was possible, because John kept telling me that red is the most recessive hair color, and it only shows up if you get the gene from both parents. But apparently I have a recessive red hair gene somewhere in the family.

She's so sweet, here are some pictures...











Gwen & her daddy (2 days old)











Gwen at 7 days old






I had a 42 hour labor, and 30 hours into it I was given epidural & pitocin, and it all ended with an emergency c-section. It was the complete opposite of what I planned, and probably the hardest experience of my life. The 3-day stay in the hospital after the surgery was really rough, but it's getting better. My feet & legs were terribly swollen for days, because of all the fluids they were putting in me at the hospital - and aggravated by the fact that I wasn't moving around very much. But they're 95% better now. I can get in & out of bed on my own now, and I'm getting around relatively easy, although I still can't bend over very much.

Countdown... 9 days left

I'm done being pregnant. I'm So. Freaking. TIRED. I thought this stuff would plateau, you know? The exhaustion, the hormonal freak-outs, and the difficulty moving around (especially getting in and out of bed) -- That at a certain point, it would just level out. But apparently not, instead it still gets harder by the day. I hate it. I just want to have my little girl in my arms.

I'm sick of strangers giving me funny looks because my belly is so huge (No, I'm not imagining it). I'm sick of friends thinking they know everything about pregnancy and labor and babies because they have one close friend who recently had a baby (not even THEM, but someone they KNOW). One woman's experiences are not the same as mine. Everyone has completely different pregnancy and labor experiences. I don't need to hear another horror story about being induced at the last minute because of something insane, or a c-section where the baby's face was accidentally cut, or anything else. I AM JUST TRYING TO THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS, AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE SCREWING THAT UP FOR ME!!

Tired. Very tired.

I haven't been blogging lately, basically because the third trimester is exhausting. I guess I'm having a relatively easy pregnancy compared to many other women, but I can't help feeling exhausted and cranky after just a couple of errands.

I'll be 8 months along on New Year's Day, and that astonishes me. Baby? Here? In a month? Impossible! There's still a lot to do. I don't really have a place to put her clothes. The apartment is not baby-proofed, to say the least. It has a lot of work to be done. I wish I had more close friends that I could call and ask to help me with housework.

Ok, I've got to go figure out what's for dinner...

John and I went to Florida for 4 days, which was great. It was a family reunion for John. We left on Friday and came back Tuesday. For the first 3 nights, we stayed at a hotel in Bonita Springs -- Which was beautiful, by the way, I recommend it if you're staying nearby (The Hyatt Regency Coconut Point). We hung out at John's cousin's house on Friday & Saturday, and then Sunday was spent lounging around the pool (and I got a mani-pedi). Monday, we checked out of the hotel and had lunch with lots of family, and then Doug (John's brother) drove us to his home in the East part of Florida. The drive was nice, we went through the Everglades and saw a whole bunch of alligators! We spent the final night at Doug's house and then went home on Tuesday. The weather was SO nice in Florida, high 70's - low 80's, and windy. Luckily when we got home on Tuesday, the NYC weather was relatively mild, so it wasn't too big of a shock.

I brought my camera to Florida but completely failed to take a single picture. I am bad.

John took the whole week off so we could get some work done on the apartment -- Get it ready for the baby by getting things organized, putting shelves up, etc. WELL... Not a lot has been accomplished. Yesterday, nothing was done. Today, work started around noon, and I helped him a little with mounting shelves. Unfortunately, before much was accomplished, the level fell on my head. SMACK in the middle of my forehead. It hurt like hell and that was it for me. I got a little weepy and wasn't about to keep working. After John comforted me a bit, he finished the task at hand and then stopped. So his office and the hallway are now cluttered because everything's in mid-project. It's not looking like we will get much accomplished, because this weekend will be devoted to birthing classes.

February baby

So I went to my new midwife yesterday, and she changed my due date -- It's February 1. I suppose now that I have a February baby, I should make the "February Baby" sweater! Maybe I'll wait and see if she comes on time...

This is me yesterday. As of today, I am now exactly 25 weeks along.



I still have to finish off the purple & white striped cardigan for Gwen. It shouldn't be taking me so long, it's not as if it's difficult or anything... I just keep putting off the finishing. All I have to do now is make the second button band, and then get buttons for it! I think I'll make a date with Abby to go to M&J Trimmings together for the buttons, so I have a deadline.

Kung-Fu Baby!

Gwen has been kicking up a storm tonight. Right now she's kicking me like crazy. It's not like any other feeling, I don't know how I would explain it to someone who's never been pregnant.

I can't really believe I'm already 5 months pregnant. It seems like it's been flying by. I suppose that by 8 months along, I might not feel the same way! But right now I'm enjoying being pregnant, other than being tired a lot of the time. It's exciting to feel her kick, and I like watching my belly grow (although the stretch marks aren't attractive). I'm still enjoying the novelty of all of it!

I love that it's getting cool out, and I've been wearing a cozy sweater for the past couple days. It has a faux fur hood that is great to snuggle against.

You know it's time for knitting when I say it's knitting time!

So, I'm happy to say that the Brooklyn Birthing Center seemed really nice. I went on a tour there yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised at how homey it was. I have my first appointment there 2 weeks from Friday.

I'm almost done knitting the turtle that I started 2 months ago. I stopped working on it for a while, because I started to hate the i-cord edging that I had to do. But I picked it up the other day and it was like "What's the big deal?" It was easy. So now I just need to attach the legs and embroider some eyes onto it, and voila! I will have a Sheldon for Gwendolyn. I'm sure she'll come up with a cute name for him.

Then I'll work on the little cardigan for Gwen. It's so cute and simple, I don't know why I've been procrastinating working on it. It's purple & white striped. I can't wait to pick out some adorable buttons for it...

Feeling depressed

I am so frustrated, trying to find a good doctor or midwife. I attempted to switch to a different place today, recommended by an internet buddy, and I wasn't very happy. I really should have done more research on the place first. First of all, the practice has 4 doctors, and 3 of them are men. I should have THOUGHT about this and realized that I'm not comfortable with a male doctor. I've never had one before, and I just felt funny having one touch me.

The appointment wasn't bad per se, it just didn't leave me feeling confident or compatible with the doctor. And since any of the 4 doctors could show up at my delivery, it's impossible to know what it will be like.

F@$%ing pregnancy hormones are getting me so emotional about this. I cried after leaving the appointment. There are SO many choices involved in having a baby. Which doctor, which crib, which baby carrier, which birthing method, midwife or doctor, the pacifier debate, etcetera, etcera. And since I have no job or anything else (other than knitting) to focus on, I feel extra overwhelmed. I NEED SOMETHING ELSE TO FOCUS ON!

I am so frustrated with my own lack of ambition. I'll think "Okay, I'll join a chorus" or "I'll take a photography class" or various other possibilities, and I never follow through. On the rare occasion that I do follow through, I usually do a half-assed job. God... I worry I'm not going to be a good mom with this attitude.

Oops.

I kind of forgot about my blog for a while there! A lot has happened in the past few months. We moved. I got laid off. But between those two events...



We're having a baby! I am now 19 weeks and 3 days along. It's a girl (SQUEEE!) and her name shall be Gwendolyn Mae. She's due January 30th, and I can't wait.

When we first found out, we were a little freaked out (John especially), since she wasn't planned, and we're living in a pretty small apartment... But after a few weeks, it got more exciting, and it's brought us closer together. I actually feel like we're falling more in love (as corny as that sounds), now that we're going to have a family. It's so incredible. I'm very happy.